Sewing Sunsets

Today I’m just about ready to give up.  The caregiving duties got very intense after my mom bruised her rib.  I also want to try to ensure that she gets the proper gluten free diet and great nutrition, which requires a lot of effort on my part.  Although caregivers have been hired, it is extremely expensive and we couldn’t pay the entire amount of the most recent bill. The next bill will be a lot more and we probably can’t pay that until insurance pays, they are slow with payment, plus it won’t cover all of it so that is a huge concern right now.

Due to good nutrtition, proper nutritional supplements, and correct thyroid medication, there has been some improvement, but it’s slow and will continue to be a long road for a while.  I think some changes in the caregiving schedule can be made this weekend, but I still don’t know how we’ll pay for it all or how much longer I’ll be able to keep up this schedule.  The easy thing to do would be to put my mom in assisted living and be done with it, but they won’t accommodate a gluten free diet, which she needs, so that is a real dilemma.  My mom has a doc’s appointment later this week and I will be very frank that I can’t continue to give up my entire life for caregiving, but I don’t quite know what else to do.  My mom is not 100% able bodied (mobility issues) and she still has some mild confusion now and then, although that is much better and tends to come and go.  The bottom line is that I don’t think she can manage completely on her own right now, or yet…….

I long for the days when I could just go into the sewing room and listen to music while I sewed and soothed my soul, but those pleasant days seem like a distant memory.

Today, I’m sew tired and I feel like giving up.

For those who are lucky enough to have time to sew….

Happy Sewing!

www.sewseamless.com

I should be writing about back to school sewing and fall sewing and getting ready for holiday sewing, but I haven’t had a chance to sew in several months because I’m still caring for my aging mother.  This has been a very long road and I’m sure we have a long road ahead of us as well.  It is difficult being an only child and completely responsible for a parent’s care–especially when they are ill.  My poor mother has truly suffered with her thyroid most of her adult life, but especially in the last ten years or so, and it’s hard for me to watch this suffering.  And she has been completely misdiagnosed with all sorts of other illnesses and put on medication that actually may have done more harm than good.

My mom is slowly improving because of exercise and good nutrition.  Nutrition and our foods heal, but we must follow an anti-inflammatory “diet” lifestyle/eating plan in order for foods to heal.  We have started juicing again, which will give her some extra nutrition.  The really good news is that she is completely off of most of her prescription medication, except for thyroid hormone and an antidepressant.  I would love to wean her off of the latter, but the side effects of weaning are terrible and she isn’t strong enough to go through that right now.  So, she is mostly on some good nutritional supplements and vitamins.

On my good days, and her good days, I feel that there is hope that she will recover completely, although I know it will be slow.  On both of our bad days or our so-so days, I feel like the situation is just hopeless and I want to throw up my hands and give up and quit trying.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  To be quite frank, I’m just tired.  I’ve spent either 24/7 here at my mom’s house for several weeks and for the past two or three weeks, I’ve had a caregiver at night and I’m spending 10-12 hours per day at my mom’s. while I’m here, I am part therapist, full time cook, light housekeeper, and social director.  One thing we both enjoy is going down to the pond to watch the ducks.  My mom’s Vitamin D level was extremely low so I try to get her out in the sunshine at least 10-20 minutes every day.  Due to her mobility issues and distance, we have to take the wheelchair, but it’s very peaceful at the pond, and when the sun gets too hot, we move into the shade.  Yesterday, the lady who feeds the ducks regularly gave us some bread to feed the ducks when we go to the pond.  My mom lives in a seniors only apartment complex, but down at the pond with the picnic tables, it feels like you are out in the country (except for traffic noise and the trains that come by and blow their horns) and it’s very peaceful and calming.

My mom is now awake and eating her first meal of the day, which is her breakfast, but it is now lunch time so I’ll fix my salad and hers (for her next meal) and then we may head down to the pond to feed the ducks.   Today appears to be a better day and I see signs that her memory may be improving.   As I said earlier, some days I feel like this situation is sew hopeful and other days, I feel like it is sew hopeless.  Today appears to be a day of hope.

I am afraid to lose hope, but I’m also afraid to continue to have hope.  I write a lot about hope and I can tell you from personal experience that hopelessness is a terrible feeling.   In my case, I think I’m just tired because caregiving is hard.  And my circumstances aren’t as bad or as dire as many in my situation.  However, caregiving is hard, no matter how “easy” (caregiving is never easy) or hard the circumstances may be.

Do I lose hope or remain hopeful?  Today I think I’ll struggle to remain hopeful.

Happy Sewing to you all.

www.sewseamless.com